open wound

I feel like one big open wound. We just finished off two bottles of champagne and all it did was make me feel more sad and more hurt. I made the probably ill-considered remark of stating that he had two fucked up kids. Nothing great resulting from that. And then I went up to take a bath and cry. I know that people have worse problems than I do, worse lives than I do. But this life is so much not what I imagined or wanted. This love is so much less than I had imagined. I want someone who thinks I'm beautiful, not just "very attractive." I want someone who thinks I'm wonderful, not just "smart." I'm tired of struggling to make him think well of me. Let's face it--it's not going to happen.

I want someone to think I'm great, not just good enough or okay. I'm ready to be a part of a partnership--it seems like everything we do revolves around him, his business, his kids--what do we ever do that focuses on my dreams or desires?

I have so much hurt, and he doesn't even try to heal it--he doesn't even acknowledge that it's there. It's as though I'm just making it all up or that I'm overly sensitive--like nothing I feel or react to is real.