cyber stupid

I don't know what to say at this point. I just feel like I ought to be writing more regularly, so here I am. I had an unusual thought this morning, one that I feel both curious and scared to explore. I thought about creating a new diary in which I write only erotic stories--no personal details, just sleazy fiction. Then I wondered if that could be considered cheating by Joe--at the very least, I don't think he would see it as much different from what he's been doing. But I think it is different if I'm not interacting, if I'm just writing fiction. On the other hand, if it's a diary others can see, and if I were to join a diary ring, then I could see his point--people would be able to make comments, I could comment back, and suddenly, voila! you have interaction, similar to what's been pissing me off with him. I guess it's just that what he does is practically cyber-sex. And maybe I'm considering this as a way to secretly get even.

Bottom line, it's a really bad idea. Right now I can feel angry and virtuous. If I did that, I'd really lose my rights to feel virtuous, maybe even angry. I guess I just want something, some affirmation of my sexuality and I'm not getting enough from him. I know we have sex, and I know he's satisfied, but I'm not. I want to feel beautiful. I want to feel hot. I want to feel like he can't get enough of me.

Problem is, having other people say that who don't really know me isn't going to help much. I know the smart thing is to forget this whole idea. But it is tempting.