killing time

I'm being bad, really, really bad. I'm sitting here writing while my sophomores are at the pep rally unsupervised. Of course, I could get in lots of trouble--but bottom line, I trust them. I just reread my old entries--it seems incredible that it's been that long since I wrote here.

How sad is this--I'm just killing time till Friends comes on. And trying to maintain my new habit. I'm enjoying this new journal software--the MacJournal thing--because it's simple yet effective. It pretty much does what I need journal software to do.

Joe has been being affectionate and sweet, but not sexual and I find myself not quite getting it. I'm wondering if he's doing it deliberately, if something's going on, or if I'm just being too sensitive. In any case, I'm finding it really frustrating. For some reason, I've been horny as hell all week, and haven't even been able to get a hard on out of him. Every time I reach for him, he's soft and stays that way. Not even a little stir to give me reason for hope. And now we're facing a weekend with the girls that looks to be utterly hellish. I don't even want to talk about them any more because I feel so frustrated and helpless. I can only imagine how Joe must feel.

On another topic, I reread my email from Wallace the other day. How interesting perspective is. How easy it is to read into something what is not there. When I read his letter the first time, it seemed to speak of longing, and I got the general impression he hadn't gotten over me and was hurt by the news of my marriage. However, this time when I read it, I saw things more clearly. He directly stated that our break-up was the right thing for him. He never said he regretted the decision. Perhaps the news of my marriage did sting, and I think he wanted to make sure I knew that he could have had me but was a good enough person to let me go so that I could be happy. All in all, it wasn't nearly as lovelorn as I first interpreted it to be. I guess it's all in where you are emotionally when you read it.