early bird

I got up even earlier than usual. I'm already dressed and ready to go, all but blow drying my hair. so what is there to say? I've been reading a book of short stories by ZZ Packer, a new writer I've discovered through QPB. Her writing inspires me. Her characters are so unusual and vivid, and her use of language astounds me. It's so beautiful, and seems so effortless. I long for that ability. And the subject matter of her stories always surprises me. There are no easy answers for her characters--sometimes, no answer at all. But still, their lives are fascinating. I find myself thinking of those people around me, who could people my work. My first thought is that no one around me is as remotely interesting as Packer's characters, but then I think that probably those very characters wouldn't find themselves that interesting either. If I write about what I know, then I am limited to the suburbs, to education and family, all sorts of family dysfunction. Now I know that family dysfunction is the topic of many a story and novel--my dilemma, as usual, is how do I make it interesting, compelling and not tedious? The stuff with the girls is material for a story sure enough, but how do I do it in a way that has some meaning?

So now I'm thinking about ZZ Packer's "Our Lady of Peace," the story about the school teacher. And I'm wondering what meaning she has found. Ultimately, it seemed to me, none. Her realization that nothing changes, that she can't make a difference is depressing. So how do I tackle a story like that? Do I even want to write a story like that? Even in my most depressing pieces, I think that at the heart of them there is hope. That's me. At the base of it all, I hope. So that should be a part of it all I guess. No ZZ Packer-like stuff for me.

I know what a short story is, so why do I have such a hard time writing one these days?